parenting

Parents Beware!

February 28, 2018 By Eva Conner Leave a Comment

What does “complacency shaken” look like?

This is what it looks like:

His religious complacency was shattered. There was no great conviction of sin, but he knew there was a gulf between him and God, and a deeper concern for his eternal destiny than for any of the affairs of this life possessed his mind.

The excerpt above is from a book titled “Rees Howells, Intercessor” by Norman Grubbs. There is one particular part that pierced my heart as a mother.

Let me give you a little background first. Rees Howells was a young man from Wales. When he was in his early 20’s, he desired to make money in America. Rees had a cousin in America and there were also boys from his village who migrated to America and who shared how wonderful it was with everyone back in Wales. They also shared about the money they were making – earning more in one day than they could earn in a week in Wales. So off to America he went.

He went to Pittsburgh where his cousin was and he worked in the steel mill. Rees always was a godly man and had an awareness of God in his life. However, one night, his cousin asked him if he had been “born again?” Rees didn’t know how to respond and after repeatedly being asked the same question, he ran. His complacency was shaken.

He moved 100 miles away from his cousin.

But he said the “gracious Hound of Heaven was on his trail…”

You see, Rees lived a “good” life. He never knowingly or willingly sinned. He never joined in debauchery with the others in his village. He made God a priority in his life but he said,

I was outside the Kingdom, which all my good life and religion had never enabled me to enter.

Do you hear those words?

We can be so very very good in this life but if we are not in intimacy with Him, it is all for nothing. For Rees, the day came when he was to meet his risen Lord. He was struck with typhoid fever and he was facing death. He said he found fear for the first time. Then he said something that stabbed me straight in the heart. PARENTS READ THESE WORDS. As Rees was facing death with typhoid fever, he said:

Thank God my parents were not there to take that fear from me.

He had to face eternity alone so that he could meet God.

This is solid truth for each one of us. Rees promised God if He would spare his life, his life would be God’s and He did just that. I encourage everyone to get this book and read it if you want your own complacency shaken!

Do you see those words above that a 22 year old uttered when facing death? He was glad his parents were not there. If his mom and dad would have been there, he may never have met Jesus face-to-face. I can’t get these words out of my head and my heart’s deepest cry is that I will never take that fear from my own children.

It is so easy to want to take all of life’s struggles and darkness from our children. But in doing so, we are robbing them of their own need for a Savior. And if we do not have a Savior, we are not saved.

Here are three truths that I’ve learned as a mother that I’d like to share with anyone who has ears to hear:

Truth #1 – Don’t try to fix your child’s brokenness.

Only God can fix our brokenness. Brokenness is a good thing even though it is so hard. It is where we each need to get to in our journey so that we can see Jesus on the Cross. Seeing Jesus on the Cross is the first step to healing and wholeness. When we can actually see Him suffering and dying a death that was meant for us, it gets real.

Truth #2 – Don’t hide your brokenness from your child.

Our children look up to their parents and often walk in their footsteps. It’s okay to show your children your own brokenness and allow them to see how God put you back together. Unlike Humpty Dumpty, our KING can put us back together again!

Don’t hide the transforming power of God. Just a note, when I say to show and tell with your children, make sure they are of an age where they understand what you are sharing. 🙂

Truth #3 – Don’t create a glass house.

When we create a glass house, we make it impossible for our children to fail. If we’re not careful, we can easily get caught in the comparison trap thinking that everyone else’s life is perfect so ours needs to be as well. This is a negative result of social media. Everyone puts their best face forward on social media. Don’t compare because no one is perfect. Every single life has brokenness. Every. Single. Life. No exceptions.

When we create the “perfect” home and failure comes creeping in, we often don’t know how to handle it. And our children do not know how to handle it if we haven’t taught them. It is a very important part of life and a very important part of our children’s life.

Failure is healthy and further points us to our raw need of a Savior and Healer.

I know for me personally, parenting is one of the toughest jobs I’ve been called to in this life and I am so thankful that God is teaching me along the way. Here’s my prayer for all of us today:

Dear Father,

Thank You for the precious children that You’ve given us to raise. We know that they are Your children first. Help us and guide us day-by-day. Line our hearts up with Your heart. Use our lives to teach our children. Father, we thank You for showing us throughout Your Word how You want us to raise our children. Give each of us a deep desire for more of Your Word.

Surround our children with people who have a heart and deep love for Jesus. Let them witness to our children through their living. Give us parents the discernment to know when to step in and when to step out. Help us to never step in when only You can. We thank You and give You all the praise and glory.

In Jesus’ name we pray.

Amen♥

Stay in the Light and Love always,

Eva

31 Days of Joy – Day 4 Let Love Rule

December 4, 2017 By Eva Conner Leave a Comment

Let’s let love rule our decisions ~ starting today.

Look beneath the surface so you can judge correctly.
John 7:24

Dear God,

Thank You for today. We are so very thankful for Your very presence in our lives. Give us eyes to see the things that You see. Give us ears to hear the sounds that You hear. Help us turn to You for all our concerns and problems. And help us to praise You for all our victories.

When we look at others, let us discern their heart over their appearance. Let each of us look deeper into those around us to find more compassion and less offense. More love and less hate. More acceptance and less judgment.

Thank You for Your gentle conviction when we veer off course.

Help us to always welcome that conviction so we can grow in Christ. Keep condemnation far away from us. We know that condemnation is not from You and it pushes us down instead of raising us high. We thank You for all that You are doing in our lives.

We ask all this in the precious name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

Amen♥

Today’s Transformation Tip

Parenting is probably the most difficult job we’ll ever have. Every single day ask God for discernment to know when to speak and when to keep quiet. As parents, picking our battles is the most important lesson we can learn. It simply cannot be about winning and losing.

It is about meeting our children where they are.

Allow the words John spoke above to guide you in your parenting. Look beneath the surface so you can judge correctly. Often when our children are acting out, there is a more important, hidden reason that we need to discern. Look more deeply into why your children are doing the things they are doing. Respond in love.

Look into their hearts and beyond their behavior.

16 We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.

God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. 17 And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.

18 Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. 19 We love each other because he loved us first.

1 John 4:16-19

Perfect love casts out fear.

Our children should not fear us when they mess up just as we should not have fear our Father when we mess up. When we make decisions based on God’s love, we build up our children. Let’s make the decision today to live in love in all areas of our lives, especially in our parenting.

Stay in the Light and the Love always,

Eva

A New Take on Love for our Children

November 24, 2017 By Eva Conner 2 Comments

I received a beautiful gift from God on our love for our children and am sharing with each of you.

Yesterday morning I was outside with Leo, one of our two dogs. My heart was touched three years ago by this little fur baby when we adopted him from a pet rescue outfit. We’ve had a couple pets in the past but I was never really an animal person so they never worked out.

I acknowledge my newfound love for pets is a gift from Christ and part of my transformation to become more like Him; therefore, He gets all the glory for changing my heart. We now have not one but two dogs in our home and they are both the greatest blessings from God.

So yesterday morning when Leo and I were outside, God spoke directly to my heart. He showed me how much love I have in my heart for Leo and He didn’t just leave it there.

He went on to show me that my love for my dogs is absolutely unconditional.

I have no expectations for how either of them should “grow up” and I have not planted any of my dreams in their hearts. No “suggested” thoughts or opinions on their choice of friends, careers, clothing, or anything else.

They are simply allowed to be who GOD created them to be.

We do not hold them to the standard of who their “parents” think they should be. They are not measured horizontally against peers or anyone else in this world.

As God was speaking to my heart, I was standing in our backyard in the morning sunlight with the crisp dew covered grass at my feet. It was very early and all was quiet in our neighborhood. That is, all was quiet outside.

But on the inside, my heart was dancing with joy over this revelation.

It is pure freedom for a mom. And this is exactly what Christ wants for each of us. Freedom. Release. Rest.

The Apostle Paul understood freedom possibly more than any other human being ever.

So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law. Listen! I, Paul, tell you this; If you are counting on circumcision to make you right with God, then Christ will be of no benefit to you.
Galatians 5:1-2

Before Paul became “Paul,” he was Saul and he persecuted Christians. He was so completely sold on the law that he could not see that he was in slavery with no hope for true freedom. That is until he had a personal encounter with Jesus. When he had that personal encounter, he understood freedom and until his death, he shared the message of freedom – GRACE – with everyone.

God gave me a deeper revelation of this message of grace yesterday morning.

I have three children who are all young adults finding their way in college or starting careers. It’s so hard to step back and not interject what I think is best for them. But I must step back.

I need to lay down all ideas and thoughts I might have about their future. Their future doesn’t belong to me. It doesn’t even belong to them.

Their future belongs only to God and only God can direct as He knows best.

Only God is truly in control of anything ~ and everything.

Only God knows the beginning from the end.

Only God is Sovereign.

Only God.

If you are a parent reading this, my hope is that you will also get this deeper revelation of love for our children. Love God’s way!

As a parent, it is so easy to interject ourselves as God in our children’s lives. It is also dangerous. And it is linked back to what Paul mentions in the verse above, those things that keep us in slavery. In Paul’s case, he was in slavery to the law. The law was the Mosaic law of do’s and don’ts that the Jewish people followed. The purpose of the law was to protect and guard the people until Jesus came to make us right with God. However, the law could not save us and make us right with God.

Let me put it another way. The law was our guardian until Christ came; it protected us until we could be made right with God through faith. And now that the way of faith has come, we no longer need the law as our guardian.
Galatians 3:24-25

We know from Scripture that Jesus came to fulfill the law. He took our place and set us free from the bondage and trap of all the rules and regulations that have no power to set us free.

Freedom is only found in Jesus.

So why do we put slavery back into our relationship with our children? What do I mean by this? When we impose OUR dreams and plans on our children, we are putting our children in bondage. We know from the Scripture above that the law was to protect and guard people until Jesus came. This is what we are trying to do too – protect and guard our children. However, when we do this, we are telling God to back off because we can do a better job at managing their lives than He can do. OUCH. I know that hurts but it is truth.

Let me put it another way. Do you worry about what your kids are going to do in their future? If your kids are in college, do you worry obsessively about how they are doing? Do you worry about them finding the right job or how they are doing if they have a good job?

When you are with your children, do you feel the need to always offer advice? Do you think that if they are not doing things the way you think they should then they are doing them wrong?

How is your well-meaning advice received and does it cause tension and stress in your relationship?

I think I can take a guess at the answer to this last question. I’ve seen it in the relationships with my own children. So how do we change things?

We have to stop playing God in their lives. Period.

To do this, we must keep our focus on Jesus. We must abide in Christ and let Him guide us in ALL areas of our life, including our love for our children. He will nudge us when we need to speak and also when we need to stay silent. We need to take all of our worries and concerns for our children to God working them out in our prayer closet.

The only way to do parenting is God’s way.

God has big dreams and plans for each of us, including our children. Whose dreams and plans are best? Ours or God’s? Let’s vow today to get out of God’s way and let Him place HIS dreams into our childrens’ hearts.

Here is a prayer full of powerful Scripture for all of us to pray for ourselves as parents and for our children:

Dear Father,

Thank You for being Sovereign and in control of all things. We thank You for all of our children and lift them each up to You and ask that You bless them and keep them, make Your face shine upon them and be gracious to them, turn Your face toward them and give them peace.

We thank You for making them strong and courageous and helping them to not be afraid or discouraged and for being with them wherever they go. Thank You for never leaving them nor forsaking them.

Lord, we ask that You protect our children, keep them from all harm and watch over their coming and going both now and forevermore.

Please surround them by so great a cloud of witnesses, let them also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let them run with endurance the race that is set before them, fixing their eyes on Your Son Jesus.

Father, let our children only fear You and serve You faithfully with all their heart. Let them consider what great things You have done for them. We ask that You surround them with those who are wise so they will become wise and we ask that You keep fools far away from them. Place people in their lives who will speak Jesus, love and life.

May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and Your love, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with each of them at all times.

And Father, for us parents, let us be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. Keep us in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because we trust in You. And as we trust in You with all of our heart, help us to not lean into our own understanding and to submit all our ways to You as You make our paths straight.

For we were called to freedom but help us to not use our freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love to serve one another. We know that in the Body of Your Son Jesus, we are called to encourage and edify one another. Help us parents to pray for and lift one another up to You for Your strength and wisdom.

We thank You that Your Words says all our sons will be taught by You, and great will be our children’s peace. Please let Your blessings, love and Presence be with our children and family, as we lay down our own agenda to honor and surrender all to You.

In Jesus’ Name we pray.

Amen♥

Stay in the Love and the Light Always,

Eva

Scripture used in prayer above: Numbers 6:24-26; Joshua 1:9; Hebrews 13:5; Psalm 121:7-8; Hebrews 12:1-2; 1 Samuel 12:24; Prov. 13:20; 2 Corinthians 13:14; James 1:19; Isaiah 26:3; Proverbs 3:5-6; Galatians 5:13; 1 Thessalonians 5:11; Isaiah 54:13.

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Marriage – The Roads We Travel

June 23, 2017 By Eva Conner Leave a Comment

Don't let Satan in your marriage

God desires to work through each of us.

When we allow God to work in us and through us, He uses us to lift and encourage others. Fellowship and sharing are very important to God and should be to us as well. It’s when we share a word we’re given with others that we encourage and build one another up.

In the wee hours of the night I was thinking about marriage and images of roads kept popping in my head. Marriage, done God’s way, is wonderful. God wants us to put our spouse before ourselves, even before our children.

This is a tough one for moms. Especially today’s moms!

In my lifetime, I’ve seen a shift in who controls the family unit. When I was young, parents did not live their lives for their children. But now I see the complete opposite. Children rule the house. Children dictate what the parents are going to do and when they are going to do it.

Children are involved in so many activities, they need a personal assistant (MOM!) to manage their schedule. You know what happens to Dad… he takes a backseat to the children in Mom’s life. This happened in my own life. I can attest to the hurt and damage that spouses can inflict on each other because of neglect – whether it is intentional or unintentional. Thankfully this was many years ago in our marriage and we’ve done a lot of healing and growing since those years. But we are called to share our experience and our past heartache to help others avoid the same. We are all called to share our testimony and it is Biblical:

Through Christ, God has given us the privilege and authority as apostles to tell Gentiles everywhere what God has done for them, so that they will believe and obey him, bringing glory to his name.

Romans 1:5

I’m sharing this word that God gave me to encourage you.

If your life is a little crazy and hectic because of your children’s activities, maybe you need to cut back so that you have more family time. More time with your spouse. More time around the dinner table without having to eat in the car on your way to the next activity. More time to just sit on the porch and listen to the rain with your spouse.

Your marriage is worth a thorough evaluation of your priorities. Marriages are being attacked by Satan more now than ever. Satan knows if he can attack a marriage, he can keep a powerful duo from charging after the lost and sharing Christ. When we’re caught in his snare, we are useless in avancing God’s kingdom.

What is the answer? Bring Jesus into your marriage and keep Him there.

Easier said than done, right? To have a marriage the way that God intended, we need to be intentional. We can’t take our eyes off of Jesus for one second. He needs to be involved in our marriage – and in every aspect. When both husband and wife are focused on Jesus, He ties our hearts together. Did you catch these words? Keep your gaze on Jesus – not on each other.

When our gaze is on one another instead of Jesus, we put our spouse above where God should be in our lives. This is not fair to anyone – us, our spouse and especially not our children. No one, not even our spouse, can take the place of God in our lives. God and God alone is to be above all others.

What road is your marriage on?

I mentioned earlier that I saw roads reflecting where we are in our marriage. The first vision was two people – husband and wife – standing back to back walking away from each other as in a duel. The only time they turned around to see each other was when they were taking a shot at one another. They were going opposite ways on the road.

The second vision was two roads that ran parallel to each other but they never intersected. The husband was on one road and the wife on the other. This reflects a husband and wife (or maybe it’s better to say a man and a woman) living two separate lives.

The last vision was two people on the same road, going in the same direction and travelling at the same speed. This is the Godly marriage. It’s not always easy to keep in sync but if you have a prayerful life, it is possible. Will you have the occasional bumps causing you to get out of sync? Absolutely! But when you pray regularly for your spouse and with your spouse, God will see that you get back in sync.

If your marriage is on the first or second road, don’t despair.

Get quiet before God and ask Him to change your hearts. Ask Him to put you on the same road as your spouse, going the same direction at the same speed.

Without God, a good marriage is impossible.

But with God’s presence and His love and grace, a good marriage is possible.

He replied, “What is impossible for people is possible with God.”

Luke 18:27

If you don’t already pray for your spouse, start doing so today. Pray for your spouse often. Pray with your spouse every day. It’s amazing how God will work in a person’s life through another person’s prayer and even more amazing how God will work in a marriage through united prayer.

Here’s a prayer for each of our marriages:

Dear Father,

Thank You for Your Word. You are so faithful to show us how to live every area of our lives if we will just take a minute to look in Your Word. Help each of us get more intentional about praying for our marriage and our spouses. Father, we ask that You create in each of us pure hearts and renew steadfast spirits. We ask that You turn our vision toward Jesus. Each day, Father, we commit our love and our marriage to You. Lord, protect our eyes from looking at anything that would detract our attention from our spouse. Help us to be pleasing and honoring to You.

Fill our hearts with Your love so that we can love one another as You do. Keep the enemy from our homes, from our marriage and from our children. We plead the blood of Jesus over our homes, our our relationships, over each of our lives and over the covenant of marriage that we made as one with You.

We ask that You guide our prayers. And we thank You and give You all the honor, praise and glory.

In Jesus name we pray.

Amen♥

Stay in the Light and the Love Always,

Eva

10 Truths for all Graduates

May 26, 2017 By Eva Conner Leave a Comment

10 Truths for Graduates

My heart is for the graduates this month. To all the seniors who are leaving their high school days behind them, here are important truths from The Word of God and a prayer for all:

1. Imitate Christ! Don’t be yourself.

He must become greater; I must become less.
John 3:30

High school is a small fraction of your life. Do not let it define who you are. We do a great job in high school of putting labels on one another. Most Popular. Prom Queen & King. Most Athletic. Most Likely to Succeed. Wipe these titles out of your mind. They don’t matter beyond the walls of the high school (and they really don’t matter in high school).

The world will tell you to “be yourself.” The world teaches us that we need to be strong and independent. Christ teaches the exact opposite. We should live our lives with the main goal of becoming more like Jesus and less like us. This is truth!

2. Love yourself.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Psalm 139-13-14

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,gentleness and self-control.
Galatians 5:22-23

You are unique and no one is just like you. God created each of us to be exactly as we are. When we love ourselves, it is easier to understand God’s love for us. Look in a mirror today and look past your own familiar facial features. Stare at that face seeking Jesus. He is there and He wants to be the one people see when they look at you. As we go deeper into prayer and meditation in the Word, He grows our faith so that the fruits of the Spirit grow in our heart and become evident to all who know us. This is truth!

3. Know who love is.

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
1 John 4:10-12

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.
1 John 4:16

Jesus Christ is love. Love is a noun. Love is Jesus. We know what love is because of Jesus Christ. He teaches us what love is. We only have love in this world because Jesus is love. He fills our heart to overflowing with love. This is truth!

4. Know your identity.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
2 Corinthians 5:17

Know that you are made in the very image of God. You are a child of the Most High God! You are precious and loved. This is the only identity you need to know. Learn this early in your life and you will be spared a lot of heartache. We often stumble through life trying to find out who we are only to feel empty time after time when the things we thought would identify us fall away. People, positions and possessions can never define us! We are new creations in Christ Jesus. The old person is gone and the new person is here. This is truth!

5. Stop the comparisons.

If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.
Galatians 6:3-5

Comparing ourselves to others is a losing game for all. Comparisons are a trap of the enemy to get us tangled up in webs of insecurity and jealousy. Listen to Paul’s words above. Take pride in yourself alone. Do not compare yourself with others. Carry your own load. This is good and pleases God. We can own something and be completely satisfied until we see something someone else owns that appears to be better than what we have. All of the sudden, we are no longer satisfied with what we have. Sound familiar? Learn to be content with what you have. This is truth!

6. Set Heavenly goals.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Matthew 6:21

Our hearts are linked to what we treasure. For if your treasure is money, there your heart will be also. For if your treasure is power, there your heart will be also. For if we treasure Jesus, there your heart will be also. As you set out fresh in life – whether you’re headed to college, to the military, to new employment, or to start a family – set out with your heart focused on Jesus and loving others. If you find yourself focused on things other than Jesus, ask Him to realign your heart. This is truth.

7. Look inside a person.

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.
1 Samuel 16:7

What awesome words to live by. Learn to look deeper into people around you. Don’t judge on appearance alone. Someone who is beautiful on the outside may be ugly on the inside. If you enter into a relationship based on appearance, you may find yourself entangled in a web of hurt. Enter into relationships based on what’s in a person’s heart. Ask God to surround you with people who have a heart after Jesus. Ask Him to bring the right person into your life at the right time and the right place. And wait for Him to do so. It’s that simple. When we rush into relationships without His blessing, we are setting ourselves up for heartache. This is truth!

8. Be different.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:2

It’s okay to be different. As a matter of fact, as Christians, we are called to be different. We should look different than the world. Others should look at us and see the difference. God will work through us to draw others to Him. They will look at us and see that something different and He will plant a yearning for it in their hearts. This is truth!

9. Seek God’s approval – not man’s approval.

No, a man is a Jew if he is one inwardly; and circumcision is circumcision of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the written code. Such a man’s praise is not from men, but from God.
Romans 2:29

When our hearts are aligned with Jesus, we are seeking praise from Him and not man. However, when our hearts are aligned with the world, we will be seeking praise from the world. The world is fickle and the praise given from the world will always come up short. The praise we receive from Jesus is always perfect and encouraging and perfect. This is truth!

10. Dream big with NO limitations!

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Matthew 19:26

Memorize these words. With God all things are possible. DO NOT LIMIT GOD with your own limited thinking. We have finite minds and we often limit God’s hugeness. The very God that created everything out of nothing is the same God that lives within us. The same God who wants us to be the head and not the tail, the lender and not the borrow, above and not below. He wants us to be successful and do well in life. DO NOT LIMIT GOD. Dream big. Ask God for big. Then set about making it happen with Him as your Guide. This is truth!

Here is my prayer for all graduates:

Dear Father,

Thank You for each of these dear souls. We lift them to You for guidance and direction. Steer them toward the dream that YOU have for them. Before the beginning of time, You created each of them with a purpose and plan. Direct their steps and keep them on the path you laid out for them. Settle love in each of their hearts. Surround them with other people who have a heart for Your Son Jesus Christ.

As they go deeper in their relationship with You, grow their faith. We ask that You use these young people to change the world – to bring revival, to share Jesus. Give each of them a passion and burden to share Jesus with those in darkness. Let them be the light that shines ever so brightly in the darkness. Thank You for Your great protection, love and mercy for them. In Jesus name we pray.

Amen♥